Saturday, May 12, 2007

Letters from The Sea - Part IV: Palma Deck Day, and Sex Aboard Ship


Sweet poster in the M1 corridor

Or so I thought… Now, you gotta remember that my cabin has no porthole. So, hangover included (but the suffering reduced by huge poker victory over Big Man Aussie Comedian) I get up at midday in anticipation of furthering my sleep under the glorious sun, ladle on my hugely expensive sun lotion which takes an hour and a half to become effective (hence the planning needed), gather together my pool needs and in-flight entertainment – book, laptop (I’ve been told that one can usually find random wireless networks in this port, and since the ship’s internet has been down for 2 days solid…), bikini, girly dress, flip flops, shades, towel, and head up to deck 14 for some breakfast and a bake in the sun. And emerge to see the day - cloudy, rainy and COLD!!!! I couldn’t believe it! And there are no other ships (read: unprotected wireless networks) in port either so here I sit in long sleeves in the coffee shop wondering when I’ll be able to talk to anyone ever again…

So today is the start of the cruise proper. The last week was an unusual route, as the ship is generally based in Palma, not Southampton. Tomorrow is a sea day again (please, oh god of the sea, keep it calm and the waves piddly…) and then Thursday we hit land again. I’ll let you know where we are as I find out… there are new passengers on board, so more drills (which I can skip, yay!) likely. Easy day today, just one soundcheck at 5.30 and one show at 9.00. Tomorrow is a long one again – starts with death-defyingly dull sales patter at 11, then rehearsals in the PM and two shows in the evening.

I keep having every member of the production staff, even the costume designer, coming and telling me how grateful they are that I’m on board. It terrifies me to think how bad their experience is in general with sound people! And not just the guy who got sacked this time round, but it seems they’ve just never had someone who actually gives a toss! Astounding… And I’m really NOT that good – I’m just prepared to spend time and effort trying to get it right, and am up-front with people about what’s possible and where the problems lie. It seems to inspire confidence. The actual shows (musical-type affairs) are really quite good, and the acrobats are astounding, the dancers excellent, vocalists pretty fine, and lighting is superb! It’s such a shame they seem to be let down by the sound all the time.

In-between the big shows the entertainment is usually tribute acts - some of them are pretty good too! Tina Turner, for example, is a SUPERB entertainer and George Michael is a great performer. I didn’t like the Robbie Williams guy too much, although he did get the mannerisms right. And then there’re “resident” singers who do sets in various lounges around the place and usually warm up for the tribute acts.

No more minor dramas or exciting incidents to report…

Oh yes, about the boat that was adrift… We slowed down and spent a while in the area it was reported as possibly being in (the exact position was apparently entirely unclear) but couldn’t find it, and the Spanish authorities sent us on our way after a while. Hope someone found the poor buggers!

xxxxx


Much later…Still no net, so might as well continue… I’ve been pondering the nature of sex on board a ship. Tradition holds it that sailors have a woman in every port, or at least a brothel. And not much is different, these days, I find… The kind of guys who want to settle, all seem to have a Philippino wife and child. They obviously met her on board, but now send money back to them and see them twice a year. And they do seem besotted by their ladies, but manage quite fine without them. I wonder what their relationships will be like when they leave ships and they actually see each other every day. I suppose they based there relationship on seeing each other daily in the first place, but they’ve been restricted by work hours and silly, hierarchical rules about who’s allowed in which areas and when.

The guys that DON’T have a Philippino girlfriend often have a girl at home, but that obviously doesn’t stop them having a relationship on board. The on-board girl seems to be reliably informed about the “real” girlfriend though, so it seems to be more of a fuck-buddy situation. And then you get the nicest boys of all, who seem to be so innocent and sweet, but when Matt (my new buddy, all of 22 and a great singer, bless) invited one of this type to come with us to explore Barcelona, the response was “nah… I’m just gonna get a beer and a peep show”. I don’t actually know that many women on board, so can’t vouch for what they do with their sex-lives, but when it comes to the boys, I don’t think much has changed for centuries in sea-farers’ lifestyles.

What would I do if I stayed????? Who knows…the be-uniformed guy who kept finding me when I was lost turned out to be security, not an officer so I lost interest. How shallow is THAT?????? Never knew I had it in me to be quite that snobbish. And the 22 year old – it crossed my mind to try seduce him, he is gorgeous - but that’s all it was – a crossing of the mind. Besides anything else he seems very happy with his girlfriend. I think we’re destined to be good mates. We really get on and it’s more important to stay friends with someone you click with, really.


Matt and Lucy - of the Ain't Nobody song incident...

In the same breath, I have noticed 2 guys with crushes on me. I don’t think they see new blood very often. I’m not remotely interested in any of them, but take it as a compliment. There is a real competition for my time and attention. I wonder how it’d pan out in the long term… But not enough to try and find out!!! I’m ready for final disembarkation already, but am not fussed that I have to stay. I’m doing this for the pay-cheque after all, and the experience is vastly different from anything I’ve done before. Even though they’re trying to be different from any other cruise, the institutionalisation is very obvious and very much there. Rules, rules, rules… This Is How We Do It… No Argument.

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