Letters from The Sea - Part I: Southampton to Gibraltar

OCEAN VILLAGE TWO

So here I am, at very short notice, aboard a cruise ship that seems to be the preserve of the elderly and the overweight. I'd been told that Ocean Village was aimed at a younger crowd. When I mentioned this to the lighting guy, surprised at how old the passengers are, on average, he said this IS a young lot - most cruises cater for the nearly-dead... Already I'm glad for the fact this this experience will save me vast quantities of money in my old age... A cruise ship is really just a badly decorated trap that forces people into a money-spending environment. There really isn't much else to do. The food is all free, but that's where it ends... Surprisingly bar prices are not too bad, cheaper than in the UK, actually, but that's just cos it's duty free - trust me, it's not the mark-up that they've reduced!

Today is (I have to think hard) Friday 27th April and we sailed on Wednesday night. So yesterday and today are both sea days (i.e. no stopping) and we'll arrive in Gibraltar tomorrow sometime. I've always cursed the Med for not having any decent waves, but right now I'm blessing it and hoping and praying (I seem to have found religion all of a sudden) that we get there soon - I'm having a touch of trouble finding my sea-legs on these Atlantic swells... Spent most of yesterday feeling VERY green and am keeping myself to foods that will be least revolting to throw up... It's not the nausea that's the worst, actually, but the weirdness the motion creates in your head. Lying down is actually fairly pleasant, but once on your feet... And tipping forwards and backwards is OK too, it's when that movement combines with a side-to-side roll to make this gravity-defying SWIRL... THAT'S when it gets to me.

Naturally there is a lot of sage advice going round from old hands, and the ship's doctor is my new god, so I will, no doubt, survive... They also put a million sick-bags in handy places around the ship. Fortunately I've not had to avail myself of their use yet, but I'm glad they're there.

ANYWAY! Enough about illness... The work is better than I expected, in that the standard of the shows is actually quite high. Great acrobatics, half-decent singers and dancers. And the show is very, VERY raunchy... I reckon the medics were hit up for a viagra or two last night... The old dears were getting a bit hot under the collar... I'm in the main theatre and the gear is fairly decent, although the rig itself is a bit pants. Everybody thinks I'm a goddess and the cast are begging me to stay, but there's not a hope in hell. 2 weeks will be QUITE enough stuck in a space this small.

Crew-wise, there are around 600 in total. The system seems very racist to me. All the lowly jobs are done by Indians and Philippinos, who also share cabins on the lower decks. Middling jobs are done by East Europeans. Anyone who's Western and white seems to have nice jobs and be on higher decks, and we all have cabins to ourselves. The cabins CAN accommodate three, but god knows I'd go insane. It's barely big enough for one! But it appears that most crew don't actually work for the ship as such, they're all from agencies who set the wages in India and the Philippines, and at £25 a day it's a LOT more than they'd be earning at home. The other Techs are on about £57 a day (so now I understand the flinch when they realised what I was gonna cost them), but if you consider that they have NO expenses WHATSOEVER, except for the crew bar, they're all squirrelling money away like mad. I've spent about a fiver since I've been on board.

Speaking of the crew bar... It's a nasty dark hole in the middle of the ship, and the stench of years and years of badly air-conditioned smoke overwhelms you two flights of stairs up. But beers cost 85p, spirits and a mixer 90p and a large glass of wine £2... So you can't really complain. Unlike most other cruise ships, crew can drink in the passenger bars at a hefty discount, but it seems most people choose not to. But it's fun and everyone mixes down there, so I see why. Also everyone (excecpt me,it seems)smokes like chimneys and fags cost £1 a pack of 20...

Finding your way around is pretty tricky... One corridor looks pretty much like another. But I'm slowly learning my port from my starboard, for forward from my aft, and words like "midships" and "embark" are flowing more and more easily off the tongue.. On deck 4 (of 12) there is a crew corridor known as the M1, that runs the length of the ship. It's fairly helpful that the staircases that come off it are named alphabetically (crew bar is down staircase Kilo. First thing I learnt) but I'm still getting very very lost. A rather charming be-uniformed sailor-type keeps finding me and pointing me in the right direction - I may choose to continue losing my way for a while longer... ;-)



One corridor looks much like any other... And all the carpets are this bad!

Cabin-wise I've landed a very average crew cabin... It's in the middle of the ship, so no porthole and I find it a bit disconcerting to always be either in the pitch dark or in the rather ugly electric light. If I were on for longer than 2 weeks I'd be investing heavily in lighting! But I am ETERNALLY grateful that I have it to myself... Oh and it also gets cleaned, and my laundry done etc etc. Quite happy with THAT arrangement!



Erm... A space meant for three!!!!

And, on day three, they've still failed to issue me with a uniform, which I am naturally rather pleased about. Hope it stays that way! And my status is somewhat confusing. I'm part passenger, part one-stripe officer (I expect salutes on my return) and sometime crew. It gets a bit confusing. The ship operates cash-free, everything you buy etc is put onto your cruise card and you pay the bill later... Clever... Especially since the normal cruises are an entire week long... But when it comes to me I have to explain myself all the time cos I have a passenger card and a crew cabin number.

This is the Maiden Voyage of this ship in it's new form. It used to belong to the Germans and spent a few weeks being re-fitted. So some bits are new (some passenger areas) and some are old (crew areas). There's a number of restaurants on board, which I can eat in (as a one-striped officer) and some very dull shops (blatantly catering for the elderly and overweight). The top deck is open with a couple of pools, and an outdoor bar. It would appear the sewage system is also a bit old, if the smell in the midships lift shaft this morning was anything to go by!

Anyway, after Gibraltar it's Palma, and then we get into normal cruise routine, which I don't know what it is yet. Naples has been mentioned, but I don't know where else we'll go. The ship is based in Palma, Southampton was just for the re-fit.

Anyway, hopefully will be able to communicate tomorrow in Gibraltar - old hands advice is, when we're in port, to sit on the top deck and see what wireless can be found. I's WEIRD being this out of touch!